Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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