suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
