just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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