He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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