im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
