I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize