I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
