I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the day after is always just damage control
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
