Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
