So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
