mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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