Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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