the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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