I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
