He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
