I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
