I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
