marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's shark week go big or go home
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize