his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
