no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
