Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize