I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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