i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize