Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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