I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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