God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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