I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
