And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
