No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
