i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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