i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
