VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
