The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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