Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
