I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
