porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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