Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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