forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize