I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize