none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
