I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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