It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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