I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize