whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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