Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
