I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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