He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
