Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
