I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
