hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
