I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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