Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
