Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
