eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
