she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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