I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
