You don't have asthma, your pregnant
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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