The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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