i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
