i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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