I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
