I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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