Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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