dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
