I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
