Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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