I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
