I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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