maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
