i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize