Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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