well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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