just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
